Guidelines for Finding the Right Guy

Every woman has her own opinion about what’s desirable for a man. For me, I like a classy, sophisticated type. I’ve decided to share some of my guidelines. Some rules are humorous. Some might be shallow. But all are 100% certifiably true. 

1. If a man says “fuck” like a Valley Girl says “like,” he is not classy, but trashy. WALK AWAY.

2. If a man brags to you about how much alcohol he can consume, nod and then LEAVE.

3. If a man starts to talk to you about his gun rack on the back of his truck, RUN.

4. If a man mentions a mattress in the bed of his truck, notify the authorities, he’s probably on a police watch list.

5. Always choose a man with a foreign sports car.

6. Never date a man who’s “finding himself,” because he probably never will.

7. Never date a man who’s a proclaimed “student of life.”

8. Never date a man who buys cheap alcohol, aka. no boxed wines or other alcohol that doesn't come in a glass bottle.

9. Always act as though you’re high maintenance, even if you’re not. It's serves the same purpose as high taxes: keep away the riff-raff.

10. Check for good teeth and fresh breathe.

11. If he has a beer belly at 20, it’s only going to get worse.

12. Never date a man with bigger boobs than yourself.

13. Never date a guy with a chin strap.

14. Good hygiene is not an option, it’s a requirement.

15. Avoid men with mullets.

16. If a man has Stars and Bars on any of his belongings and refers to the Civil War as “The War of Northern Aggression,” run before you get lynched.

17. Never date a guy whose ambition in life is to be a guitarist in a band and/or a rock star. Chances are he won't be successful and will end up costing you money to support his career.

18. Fiscal responsibility: you might not care about it when you’re young, but it’s going to be very sexy in the future.

19. Bad boys are good in theory, but a terrible and unrealistic life choice.
Unless, of course, you enjoy drama and heartache.

20. If he’s cheated on past girlfriends, remember the mathematical axiom: If a=b and b=c, then a=c.